Good evening ladies and gentleman, thank you for tuning into WFAK News. Broadcasting to you live, from my parents basement. Our top news story is coming from southern California, where reports have come in that there is a zombie outbreak.
Local officials have denied such claims, however, stating that it is merely a small, containable mass of rioters who are eating the brains and the flesh of the living. They say there is no cause for alarm, and to ignore the increasing flow of military vehicles into the affected areas. Officials have stated that the governor declaring a state of emergency for California is very common, no need to worry.
Residents are asked to stay indoors and avoid travel. They are instructed to remain in their basements and if necessary everyone is to head to their nearest police station or hospital. If confronted by one of these rioters, remain still. If they persist, make lots of noise to draw attention and embarrass your assailant. Southern Californian officials insist that if these simple precautions are followed, the situation will be resolved within the next few hours. Stay tuned to WFAK News for all the latest breaking news, and now it’s time for a commercial break.
Man I have to take a massive dump, oh, yeah, those fish tacos I had for lunch are tearing me up.
Oh…uh, and now for that commercial break.
No comments:
Post a Comment